Friday, February 19, 2010

Weigh In - Friday - February 19

Original weight : 242 pounds
Weigh In: 238.5 pounds
Weight lost this week: 3.5 pounds
Total weight loss: 3.5 Pounds

Wooooooooooooooooooooooohooooooooooooooo slowly but surely.....

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

stupid no good rotten day

Dont you wish that some days u could just go back to bed and not deal with all the crap that the day throws at you. Today is this day. I am so tired of not being the right person, doing the right thing, saying the right thing. I am just so tired of everything right now. I wish i could curl in a ball and hide away from everybody and everything. UGgghhhhh.

Monday, February 15, 2010

Day off

I have a day off today but its kinda weird, I feel like I am goofing off our something. I reminds me of when I was little and didn't want to go to school. When I have a snow day, I am worst than the kids, I sit in front of the radio waiting for the announcer to say " All schools in your community are closed for the day" It's kinda funny.

Friday, February 5, 2010

The scary first weigh In

This is by far the must scariest weigh in I have ever had. I have not stepped on the scale for over 4 plus months. I have been hiding away from my weight so I didn't have to deal with it. But do you know what.. No matter how much u want to forget about it, it doesn't go away. Everything just seems harder to do. The steps seem longer, the walk seems slower, my breathe is taken away by doing the littlest of things.

It is a simple formula.. exercise and eat healthy and u will loss weight.. but that is a formula that I was unable to calculate.

I want to do this.. I need to do this. I can't keep living this way. My body is aching, my mind is hurting. I can do this. One small step at a time and one battle at a time, I CAN DO THIS.

Well, if the first weigh is the scariest than its now over, I weigh 242.0 Pounds. Wow, 6 more pounds and I would match the biggest I have ever been. The plan is simple; pick healthier foods that I know I like. Not foods that are awesomely healthy but taste gross, but food that I will enjoy and be able to eat years and years from now. Exercise; I am going back to the basics: walking. It's cheap, and easy .. treadmill here I come.

wish me luck my friends

Hiding away

Sometimes its easier to run away from this world than to deal with it. I have slowly watched my weight raise...higher and higher yet i felt like a prisoner in my own body. I felt as if i am no longer the captain of my own ship... Well NO Longer. I have had enough. I am the only person that can make me better. I have realized this for a long time now but am very inspired by my best friends battle and success with weight loss.. thank you Twisted Cinderella... I am truly blessed to have a friend like you.

Sunday, November 11, 2007

More like her everyday

I went back to my hometown for the long weekend. It was good to be back home, for a short visit. While home I got to see some of my old friends and family. I had several people say to that "You look more like your mom everyday." A sense of panic came over me when I heard that statement. Am I a evil or bad person that I don't want to be like my mother? I shook with the thought that I was becoming like her. My mom died at 52, she was always overweight, and she had a long and hard battle with diabetes and heart disease.

I see my life flowing, without my control, in the same direction. I am 31 years old and like my mom, I have thinning hair, I am overweight and cant seem to control it. Diabetes runs crazy in my mom's family. I am already disadvantaged, unlike her, I have dealt with cancer, and I have a permanent disability to show for it.

Apart of me thinks that there most be something wrong with me to even think this way. That I am a ungrateful and awful person for even contemplating the thought. But because of diabetes and everything I was robbed of a chance to a have a mother/ daughter relationship, I was robbed of the chance to show my mom all the good things I have done in my life, I was robbed of her.

And though most days life goes on ,today It feels like it is standing still

Saturday, October 6, 2007